About Michelle

Michelle Lauren Zajdel was born on September 2, 1992. Her story is one of pain, heartache, strength, determination, love, and loss.

It all started during a prenatal exam. That was where it was first determined Michelle would have some problems in life. The first thing noticed was that her kidneys were deformed. One was long and skinny and the other was positioned down too low. As soon as she was born, she was taken to intensive care and put through a series of tests. They found that although she had renal anomalies, her kidneys seemed to be functioning okay. Next, the doctors became concerned with her appearance. Her eyes seemed droopy and her face looked slightly disproportioned. She seemed healthy otherwise, so they sent her home.

As Michelle grew, some other issues developed. She had problems keeping her balance. She would fall all the time, but no matter how many times she fell she always bounced right back up. It was like she was made of rubber. As she started to talk, she had some speech impairment. The roof of her mouth was very thin and narrow. She had a very high arch palette. They partly attributed her speech problem to this, but she was also diagnosed with low muscle tone and put in occupational therapy. They said this could also be the cause of her droopy appearance, balance issues, and speech problems. Then they noticed that she had some moles that looked abnormal. After testing, they came back precancerous and all needed to be removed. She scarred horribly from the surgeries. She had been through so many tests and procedures that she began to hate doctors and hospitals. Every trip was a fight. She also had some breathing issues. She was always congested. At first they thought it was because of the low muscle tone, but then they decided to test her for allergies and asthma. They thought that removing her tonsils and adenoids might help. They were wrong. After the surgery, there was no improvement, but like Michelle always did, she continued to live her life to the fullest.

Michelle was an adventurous child. She seemed to have no fear. Once at the age of 3, while at the pool with her family, she wandered off. She was found at the top of the high dive. Luckily, she spent all of her time there in a suit with an attached flotation device because her family knew how good she was at wandering off. Then there was the time at the boardwalk when she decided she did not like the Dumbo ride, so she just decided to get off. She did not care that she was 3 feet off the ground. The real severity of her issues became clear when she was about 4 years old. She was at the playground with family and friends. For no apparent reason, she just started to run. She ran out of the playground, down the sidewalk and right into the street. Everyone was chasing behind her screaming for her to stop, but she never even hesitated as she ran right into the street. Luckily, no cars were coming and she was safely caught. It was at that point the family decided to take her to a psychologist. She was diagnosed with ADHD. It was true that she had a hard time concentrating but that didn’t keep her from being exceptionally intelligent.

She was a brilliant child but just could not stay focused. At first, they put her on a stimulant drug. This seemed to suck the life right out of her. She was always such a firework, but when she was on this medication, she just seemed numb. She also stopped eating. They then tried a different stimulant drug. That seemed to have fewer side effects so she stuck with that for a little while. As Michelle began school, the social issues started to show. As she got older, the issues got more severe. She was very depressed and felt like she did not fit in. She was small for her age. She had a younger sister who was a head and a half taller than her and that was hard for Michelle. She said that she liked to hang out with only one friend at a time. She liked this because she said when it was her and one friend, she felt normal, but when it was her and two friends, she felt like they were normal and she was not. She never felt good enough and she would be angry and nasty to one of the kids until they left. This did not go over well with other children. She was often left out and bullied.

At the age of 12, Michelle was at the doctors for a check-up. The nurse practitioner was concerned about her small stature. After running a few tests, they called a few days later with a diagnosis. Michelle had been diagnosed with Turner's syndrome. Turner’s syndrome is a condition found only in females. It is when a female has a missing or incomplete X-chromosome. The list of symptoms read like Michelle's life story. Children with Turner's syndrome have kidney malformation, short fingers and toes, drooping eyelids, low set ears, high arch palette, scar easily, fail to begin puberty, delayed growth, learning disabilities involving spatial concepts, ADHD, short stature, difficulty functioning in social situations, depression, problems understanding other people’s emotions, stalled sexual development, and last, but definitely not least, complete ovarian failure. The diagnosis was a blessing and a curse. It was nice to finally have a name for all the things that had tortured her throughout her life. There was an enemy she could fight now, and it went by the name Turner's syndrome. All of the little problems that seemed so random fell under one umbrella. It was nice to finally have an answer, but no one was happy with what that answer meant.

Michelle had always wanted to have a lot of children. She always talked about what she would name them and how they would look. The thought of losing all of these dreams was devastating. She went to an endocrinologist right away. They said because she was diagnosed so late, she did not have much of a window of opportunity for growth. She was immediately put on growth hormones. This meant daily injections. Michelle hated doctors at this point and she definitely hated needles, but she wanted so much to grow that she dealt with it. Then she started to gain weight. She started to get self-conscious about her weight. The fact that she had such a bad sense of direction did not help her confidence at all; she was not able to go anywhere alone, because she always got lost. She once tried to walk to her friends around the corner and ended up on the complete other side of the neighborhood, miles away. She could not walk to school, because although it was the same path every day, she would get confused or distracted. She started to see a psychiatrist to try to help to deal with her anger and depression. She was put on an antipsychotic drug, which seemed to do the opposite of its intended purpose and made her crazy. She got violent and out of control. Although the medication was stopped shortly after, the effects were lasting. The depression seemed to worsen. She said it was like there were two Michelle's, a good Michelle and a bad Michelle, and she had no control over which one she would be at any given time. She had such a good heart, and she would do anything for her friends and family. She was incredibly loyal and loving and when that bad Michelle came out, the good Michelle just died a little inside. She hated the horrible things she would say and do. It was almost like she became a completely different person and she had absolutely no control over it. It was devastating to both her and her family. The doctor's considered that she may be bipolar and tried a multitude of different medications. None of them helped. She began to feel hopeless and lost. She also began to have difficulty sleeping. She would be up wandering around all night and then fall asleep at all different times and places in the middle of the day. She went to a sleep clinic but they could not find a reason for her insomnia. It got worse and worse. She would go days without sleeping.

Amazingly enough, in spite of how difficult she could be, Michelle found her niche. She found friends. A lot of them were unique, just like Michelle. They were a group of children capable of seeing past peoples’ imperfections and straight into their hearts. These were just the kind of friends that Michelle needed. She would do anything for them. Michelle would stand by these friends and defend them with everything she had. No one was allowed to say anything bad about any of them. Michelle could be quite the little spitfire. When she cared about someone, she gave it everything she had.

On July 13th, 2008, she had spent the day with one of her friends. She came home and was unable to fall asleep. She decided to get a scarf and tie it to her bureau and tie the other end to her neck. She decided that she needed to get sleep and that was the only way it was going to happen. She was texting a friend at the time. She told her friend that she had not slept for 3 days and that she could not stand it any longer. She said she was going to find a scarf and make herself fall asleep. She said she couldn't take the pain anymore. The last text was her friend saying "Hey, Where'd you go?" Now that is a question that haunts us all. On the morning of July 14th, 2008, she was gone. The world lost a beautiful light that night. We will never know if Michelle meant to end her life that night or if her attempt to get some much needed sleep went horribly wrong, but we know that without her, our lives will never be the same. The world will never be the same. So many people came around. So many lives she had touched. So many hearts were broken. People were texting and emailing. People she had touched that she had never even met. She had more friends than anyone ever knew. A lot of them she met on the computer and she was helping to deal with their own pain. She was an amazing person, a strong person, and a person that was loved more then she will ever know.

So please when you see someone that looks a little different, or acts a little different, remember that they may have some issues they are dealing with, and those issues may make them stronger, and more loving and, caring than anyone you will ever meet. Please open your heart to the Michelle’s of the world and help give a caterpillar some much deserved wings.